There’s no dancing around it, this season has been absolutely stinking so far from a Pompey perspective. There are already people grumbling about Mousinho, and even more grumbling about training pitches and the medical team.
It’s a tough start to life in the championship, and if you’d have been asked to select 7 tougher fixtures, I’m not sure you’d have been able to. In fact if you’d asked many fans if they would like to jettison these first 7 games into Room 101, I think they would have done so quite gladly.
Which got me thinking, what other things from the wider world of football would I punt into Room 101? What things really gripe me to the point of never wanting to see them again?
I’m not referring to things like “player X playing in midfield, he’s rubbish”, I’m talking more ethereal things that the football universe would be much better off without.
I’ll start the session off.
- Fabrizio Romano. Get in the sea.
Feels a bit harsh this one because he seems to be very much on the pulse and one of the top transfer journalists in the game.
However, consider this as a bit like cutting the head of Medusa, Fabrizio himself is not the problem, it’s the guff that surrounds him.
Look at any one of his tweets, and underneath you have a litany of “Pessi” or “Penaldo” (and don’t worry, we’re coming back for those amoebas later) accounts, slagging each other off, in amongst a cavalcade of morons shouting “announce x” or “Big 6 club is a finished club”.
The verbiage surrounding football is at time thoroughly exhausting, and unfortunately, Romano will have to be ejected for the greater good.
- Stan accounts.
I told you I was coming back for these room temperature IQ half wits.
There are far too many of these mind-rottingly obsessive accounts, dedicated to the most insufferable footballers.
I find the concept of running an account that doesn’t nothing short of worship a random person, kind of odd at the best of times, but it would appear that football especially has some of the most tone deaf and imbecilic versions of these people.
The pinnacle of this lobotomised behaviour was in full view after the passing of Craig Shakespeare.
Everton put out a touching tribute, and one of the first responses was from an Alejandro Garnacho account. Not offering condolences, no, just a video of his overhead kick against them last season and the text “Garancho owns your tiny club”.
I’m not even going to begin to pick apart all the things wrong with that, because I deem you, the reader to be capable of rational, sensible and most importantly, human thought processes.
- Custard Creams for shinpads.
Yeah, I know this is getting all a bit “old man shouts at cloud”, but I really do lose my mind when a player rolls around like he’s on fire, holding his shin, only to reveal a shinpad the size of a National Rail packet of biscuits.
I think the main bugbear I have with this is, why are we pretending that they do anything anymore? Unless a player is specifically kicked in that 1cm x 1cm location, they aren’t doing a damn thing.
Sympathy runs very short for anyone wearing this joke attire.
- “Player X joins the Club Y project”
For the love of all things good and true, stop calling squads, “projects”. It’s thoroughly nauseating.
Most of us deal with nonsense nomenclature in our everyday working lives. Please do not name a football team trying to win the league, a “project”.
- That one Bolton fan.
We all know who I am talking about here.
That buffoon can go and have his own party in Room 101.
There are more things in football that really should be sent into the icy void of space, if you can think of any, please email us and we might compile another hit list of things to remove from our beautiful game.
